Following the Dream
by tobe1987
Summary: Elizabeth harbors a secret that she finally lets go of. Lizzington
1. Chapter 1

Following the Dream

Summary: Elizabeth harbors a secret that she can't keep anymore. Lizzington.

Authors Note: I know I have a few Blacklist stories that are in the works but this one has been plaquing me for awhile so thought I would just go ahead and post it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Blacklist or it's characters.

Chapter 1~ The Secret

"I have the same dream every night." She started, sitting uncomfortably on the couch. Her voice comes out more like a whisper, remembering every detail. "We live on the coast, the ocean is in our backyard. The sun is always shining. I can feel the warmth on my face. I feel happy and content. Agnes is running down the trail toward a man. 'Daddy, watch me!' she says and he turns around. There is this smile on his face. I've never seen him so happy."

The woman across from her sits still. Glasses resting on her nose, she watches her client intently. Elizabeth had been to see her before but it had been many months and she could tell the young woman was still a little disturbed.

"It is realatively normal to dream about the future. You miss your husband, you dream of a time you and him can be a happy family and raising your daughter." For a moment there was no sound as Elizabeth looked down at her hands. Finally a sigh escaped her.

"It's not Tom." The memory of her dream comes to mind. He's standing there, arms stretched wide when Agnes jumps into them. Loose tan pants and a button down shirt makes him look relaxed, no hat, no vest, not even shoes. She walked up to them and he puts his free arm around her waist.

"Do you know who the man in your dream is?"

Elizabeth hears her but doesn't respond. She closes her eyes and recounts the rest of the dream.

"He holds us both close. It's so real. I can feel his touch, smell the salt water, hear the waves. Then he kisses me." A small laugh escapes her. "I can _feel_ it. Then I open my eyes, and it's my bedroom. I wake up. Every time."

The psychiatrist tries again. "Who is the man in your dreams?"

She opens her eyes, tears threatening at the corners. "It's Raymond Reddington."

More silence as the doctor writes on her notepad.

"This is the man who you were on the run with a couple years ago. Have you ever had any kind of sexual relationship with him that might make your mind create the scenario that he is your daughters father?"

Elizabeth's palms started to sweat. Could she trust the woman across from her? Trust her with the secret she never told anyone before? No one knows but her, honestly, Elizabeth refused to believe it after awhile.

"Yes."

The word was barely audible. After that night on the ship Elizabeth and Red went about their lives as if nothing had happened between them. Sometimes she wondered if perhaps it didn't happen and it was all a dream. He never made a comment about it, no innuendo, no hints toward it at all. He barely even touched her at all. Then she was nervous. She met with Tom and tried to recreate the feeling. Instead, she ended up pregnant.

"Could Agnes possibly be this other man's daughter?"

"I know she is. She has to be." She said and started to cry. It was the relief of finally telling someone. A weight was lifted and Elizabeth felt like she could breathe again.

* * *

"Ah, there you are Tom."

He looked up from his notes to the thin man who tries to make life hell. "What do you want Matias?"

"There have been some rumors lately and, I must ask you. What is with Reddington and the lovely Elizabeth? A couple of the guys and I have been taking bets and I hate to lose."

"What do you mean what is with them? Nothing. I don't know honestly. He hired me years ago to watch her and of course one thing lead to another and we were married. Then he tried breaking us up. For awhile she thought he was her father, obviously he's not. I've known that from the beginning but I think she believed that."

"So, maybe they are a little closer then you think? Maybe all this time you have been gone and when they were on the run; I must say that day in the hanger I thought I was going to finally get him. My intention was to never hurt her. I just wanted him. When you find a mans weakness, you go for the jugular."

Tom leaned forward.

"If you are trying to tell me that he is in love with her you're out of your mind. He doesn't love anyone."

"Are you so sure. You're daughter was conceived not long after they were running from the FBI was she not?" He shrugged when Tom started staring at him. "Just a curious thought. Emotions run high when you are in danger. You look for comfort wherever you can find it. At the end of the day, they are just a man and a woman."

With that he left Tom to his thoughts. He tried to ignore the rage and fear growing in his chest. Picking up his phone he dialed a familiar number.

* * *

"This is Aram."

"Aram, hey it's Tom."

"Tom, wow this is a surprise, what can I do for you?"

"It's kind of important. I have a man here who is doing some tests on me and I need a blood relative to help finish the tests. No blood or anything, I just need a DNA test on Agnes. Just confirming she is blood and then I need you to send me a hair sample or cheek cells, whatever. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, no problem. I will just give Liz a call and have her bring Agnes."

"No! No, Aram, she would never agree to something like that. You know how she is, so bull headed. Just do it whenever you can okay, no rush."

"Okay, sure Tom. I will call you when I have the results."

"Thanks Aram, you're a real pal."

After the agent hung up the phone he started back to his work, putting the test in the back of his mind.


	2. No One Knows

Chapter 2 - No one knows

~Two Weeks Later~

 _"Mommy, will daddy ever come back home?" Agnes asked, a tearful look in her eyes. Elizabeth didn't know what to say. He was never coming home. She felt it in her heart. He had left saying he had one last thing to do and he was done forever. He would be home soon. That was a year ago._

 _"I don't think so honey."_

 _Sobs came from the little girl and Elizabeth held her tight. She was still so young. What if she forgets what he looks like? What his voice sounds like? How much he loved them both?_

 _There was a knock at the door. She froze and Agnes looked up. Who could it be. The knock was louder this time. Agnes was crying. Why couldn't she get up? The door swung open._

 _Red._

 _"Red!"_

 _"Elizabeth I'm here."_

 _She started crying his name over and over again._

 _"Lizzy wake up."_

She opened her eyes to Red standing there. Dembe was in the doorway holding a fussy Agnes.

"Are you alright?" He asked, holding his hand out. She took it and sat up in the bed. "What are you doing in bed in the middle of the afternoon? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Agnes was up late so I was sleeping in. What is so important you couldn't just call me?" She asked, swinging her legs over the bed and standing up.

"I did call you. Multiple times." He said, looking at her phone on the bedside table. "Were you having a nightmare?"

Her dream. Of course. She was in such a deep sleep she didn't hear her phone or apparently Agnes crying.

"I don't remember."

Red nodded, giving her one of his sideways looks. She had never been a very good liar. A noise from the little girl behind him made him turn and take her from Dembe. He gave her a genuine smile when she reached her arms out to him.

The sight of Red holding Agnes made Elizabeth almost sick to her stomach. She had revealed her secret to a shrink. Why would she do that? A complete lack of judgement. She didn't really know that woman. What if she was paid off? What if she was robbed and someone stole her records? What if the fact that Agnes is his daughter got in the wrong hands? She couldn't let anyone else know. It was for her daughters protection.

"I will take her." She said but Red pulled away slightly.

"Why don't you change and get ready for the day. I would like to take the two of you to lunch. I have some news and I just want to spend some time with you."

Liz looked to Dembe who showed no sign of good or bad news, he just nodded.

"Okay, well, I will only be a couple of minutes."

"Take your time Lizzy. Dembe and I have had children of our own you know."

Hesitating, she turned and went into the bathroom.

Red smiled at the small child and she cooed at him making his heart soar. Through everything bad and evil that had happened in the world the child was something pure and wonderful. He would do anything to protect these two. He wasn't looking forward to the discussion he needed to have with Elizabeth, especially after Tom had left his family alone. he knew Red was there looking after them but now he had to leave. He had men to watch over them but it made him slightly uneasy if he was honest with himself.

Dembe sat next to him and smiled at the girl.

"She is beautiful, must take after her mother."

"That she does."

A knock at the door caused both men to jump up. Red handed Agnes to Dembe and went to answer it.

"Liz I have some...Oh, Mr. Reddington."

"Aram! How nice to see you, come in."

"Uh, thank you. Is Agent Keen here?"

"Yes she is freshening up for the day. Late riser. What are you doing here?"

Aram fidgeted with the envelope in his hands. The action not going unnoticed.

"I have some, information to go over with her. It's rather personal and private and rather confusing. I can just come back later."

"What kind of information?" Red asked, closing the distance between them.

"Uh, it's something Tom actually wanted me to work on." The look on Red's face caused him to stop speaking and all but gasp for air as his mouth opened and closed like a big mouth bass.

"Let me see it." He demanded, grabbing the envelope out of his hands.

"I really don't think so Mr. Reddington. It's personal about Agnes."

Red stopped with his fingers on the seal, looking towards Dembe and the little girl in question.

"What about her? Is she sick? What's the matter with her?"

"No no, nothing like that."

"Aram?"

Liz emerged from the bedroom with her hair in a messy bun and her clothes changed. She was going to take a shower but after hearing the additional voice went out to investigate. She was shocked to see Red getting rather predatory on her friend and went to interviene.

"Liz. Um, I know I should have asked you, but Tom wanted some information on Agnes and what I found doesn't make sense. I wanted to let you know first."

Liz turned to the two other men in the room.

"Could you please give us a minute?"

Red retreaded back to the couch but watched them. Listening intently. What could possibly be so upsetting to the agent that he had to rush over here?

"I think you want to see this more, privately." Aram suggested and Liz nodded.

"Where were you planning on going to lunch? I could meet you there after I'm done with this." Liz said, motioning to the envelope.

"No need. We will wait for you in the car. I assume this won't take long?"

"No." Aram said, looking nervously from Liz to Dembe to Red.

"Okay then, see you shortly Liz."

When the door closed Liz led Aram to the kitchen table.

"What's in the envelope?" She asked, holding it up. She didn't want to open it in fear of what she would see.

"This is, so strange. I wanted to come to you before sending this to Tom. I don't think I should even send it in the mail." he took a breath and told Elizabeth about Tom contacting him about a blood relative, the only one he knew of was Agnes and he needed proof, a DNA test.

Elizabeth's face turned white and she ripped open the envelope.

"Tom's not Agnes' father. But she matches someone in the system."

He didn't have to say who it was. Elizabeth ran to the bathroom and proceeded to get sick in the toilet.

"Liz, are you okay? I'm sure it's some mistake, if you want I can take a different sample from Agnes, it's probably just been contaminated. I mean, there's no way Mr. Reddington is her father."

Elizabeth looked up at him and rinsed her mouth. Standing in front of the mirror she looked briefly at her friend.

"Right Liz, I mean, how could he be her father?"

She rubbed her face and took a deep breath before starting her story.

"We were on a ship, after we went on the run. We had already been through so much. It wasn't supposed to happen. I mean there was wine and it was a beautiful day and the boat was so relaxing. It was a severe lapse of judgement. But Aram, you can't tell anyone about this. No one! Do you understand? Not Reddington, not Tom, not Cooper, not Samar, no one."

"Don't worry Elizabeth your secret is safe with me."

Anxiety started to suffocate her. "Do you have any idea what those people will do to her? They would take her, if anyone knew. She would never be safe. That's why no one can know. Please, just tell Tom the results came back as expected. He is her father and he always will be."

"Elizabeth. It's okay. I understand. You don't have to worry. I would protect Agnes with my life. If all I have to do is keep my mouth shut, that's not a hard thing to do."

* * *

Outside the car waited to take Elizabeth and Agnes to lunch with Red. She wasn't sure what it was he wanted but if Red wants to talk about something he usually asked to go out to eat.

"What did Aram have to say?" He asked once they got settled in and started to drive away.

"He just had some information on Agnes that Tom needed. Filling in the missing pieces in the medical history or something like that. Nothing major."

The air in the car had turned rather warm and Elizabeth wiped the sweat from her forehead. Dembe turned on the air and she willed herself to get comfortable. 'Just be calm'. It was her mantra, repeating over and over again in her head. 'Just be calm.' She didn't know why she was having such a hard time with this. Was it the dreams? Was it the fact two more people knew about Agnes? Two people who should have never knew.

"I could make a living out of figuring out when you are lying." Red said what felt like minutes after they left the apartment.

"Well, whether you feel like I'm lying or not you don't need to know do you? It's my business."

"Fair enough." He said in mock defeat. "How about Mexican? I have been just starving for some authentic burritos and tacos."

"Sounds good to me." She said hoped the rest of the night went smoother then that.


	3. Goodbyes

The back of the chair was rather uncomfortable as Red sat across from Elizabeth, Agnes in a highchair between them. He ordered his favorite, a chicken enchilada with extra sauce and sat back to study the woman who, from the time of his arrival, seemed distressed.

"I know I promised you I would be here to watch out for you and Agnes while Tom is away, but there is some business I need to attend to."

The pretzel clenched in the almost one year old's hand started to melt away from her teething and slobbering so Elizabeth took it, searching for another one to distract herself.

"Where?"

"Ah, quite some way away I'm afraid."

She nodded. More secrets.

"When do you plan on being back?

"I don't know."

The air was heavy between them. Their eyes in a stalemate with each other. Red was daring her to say something, to beg him to stay, to take her with him. Elizabeth wouldn't bite.

"Agnes will be one in two weeks. I doubt Tom will be back by then and now you won't be here either."

His eyes fell first, they wandered to the little girl who in turn, was looking at her mother. He had a heavy heart and wished it didn't have to be this way.

"She has many people who love her."

To push the threatening tears away, Elizabeth chose anger.

"She does. She doesn't need you in her life at all. What are you to her anyway? Just a familiar face."

"You're mad at me, I understand. One minute you can tell me I can see her whenever I please the next you keep her from me and say things like this."

"Rojo quesadilla?" The waitress interrupted, weather she had heard the conversation or not she didn't let on either way.

Elizabeth sat back as her food was placed in front of her. Red did the same and for a few moments there was peace.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind."

"I could tell, you have been activing differently since I arrived this afternoon. Partly due to the dream you had and the information Aram had about Agnes."

Elizabeth spread the sour cream over her food.

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

"You died in my dream." She said flatly. Red watched her as she avoided his faze. "But you came back. Just, walked right threw the front door."

"Sounds like a situation I was in not long ago. I can sympathize."

She shrugged it off as if it was no big deal.

"That's all."

"And Agnes?"

"That's none of your business and I don't want you to pester Aram. He has sworn to secrecy."

"Very well, I leave tomorrow, so if you need anything let me know so I can arrange it."

She nodded but didn't say a word.

* * *

After Red and Dembe left later that day, Elizabeth felt like a coward. She didn't touch her food and Red noticed. He noticed everything. He had told her Baz was staying behind as well as a few of his men until Tom arrived. And they were to stay if she wished. She thanked him and didn't look back. Now Agnes was asleep and she was alone with her thoughts.

It would be so easy to just live a life she would chose for Agnes, a life of security. I would be easy to never let Red know, let Tom know, what had happened. Red can be in the background of their lives, protecting them, taking care of them. Or he could be their lives. She could tell him Agnes is his, that maybe they could be a family. What if he didn't want to be? What if Red told her to keep it a secret? What if he turned her away? They had never talked about what happened in the shipping container. What would he say about it if she brought it up? Maybe he wanted to forget, wanted her to forget.

She stood up and walked to the kitchen where there was only a couple coffee mugs and some baby dishes to wash. Not really worth the effort but she ran the water into the sink and added dish soap. Her mind wouldn't leave Red. What if he gets angry at her for keeping it from him? What if he is waiting for her to make the first move? That's a strong possibility. He had always given her space and followed her lead.

What would she do? Knock on his door with an overnight bag for her and Agnes and say 'Surprise! She's your daughter.' The whole thing was ridiculous.

"Reddington. Red. I want to tell you about Agnes." She said out loud, rehearsing. "The information Aram had this morning. It's her paternity test."

Elizabeth shook her head. She started to whisper to herself.

"She's your daughter. Thought you should know."

 _Still not right, try again._

"Red, before you left I want to tell you about Agnes. She's your daughter." Her stomach clenched just saying the words out in the silence. She wouldn't be able to look at him when she said it. She couldn't imagine his face. She was quickly losing her nerve.

"Remember that night on the shipping container when I was super drunk and asked you to come to bed with me? Well, Agnes is your daughter." Elizabeth laughed out loud at that. Yes, she remembered what had happened that night. She never got to the point she was black out drunk.

 _"How are you feeling?" Red asked her, sitting on the other side of the long couch. His eyes were glossy and the couple of buttons undone at the top of his shirt made her more aroused then it should have._

 _"Really good actually. I feel, content." She said and smiled at him. A real smile._

 _"Why did you shoot Connolly?"_

 _It was bound to be asked, and she was ready to answer._

 _"Because he threatened us all. We would lose our jobs. We would get thrown in jail." Her eyes started to tear up at the thought. "He was going to kill you."_

 _Red's face was passive as he watched her start to cry. It was silent, the tears seemingly falling on their own accord. He closed his own and when he reopened them she had moved close, resting her head on his chest. Her ear over his heart. Kissing the top of her head, he spoke._

 _"If you shot everyone who threatened my life there would be nobody left."_

 _"He was serious."_

 _He didn't have a response to that. He just sat back and petted her hair. He heard her sigh and she brought her face up level to his._

 _"He broke me." It was barely audible even in the silence of the container._

 _"You're not broken Elizabeth, you are strong and brave. You can never do that for me again. I can take care of myself."_

 _Her eyes darted to his lips and before he could stop her she pressed against him and kissed him._

Elizabeth almost dropped the glass in her hand as someone knocked on the door, breaking her thoughts. She crossed the room and looked out the tiny hole to see who was on the other side. It was two uniformed police officers. She opened he door slowly.

"Can I help you?"

"Elizabeth Keen?" The officer said.

"Yes?"

"You need to come with us."


End file.
